Do you ever feel like you have trouble breathing and concentrating when there are many people in the room? Well, I feel like that almost every time that I go some place crowded with people that I don’t know personally. I like going to college, I enjoy learning new skills and eventually making the world a potentially better place to live in the future. However, I really do not like walking to class and evening sitting in class because I have this weird thought in my head that everyone around me is judging every action that I take as well as my appearance. I try to walk with some confidence when going to class, but I still feel like people are looking at me with disgust and judging me based on my appearance. I have this image in my head that the people that I walk past by on my way to class have the look of disgust on their faces. When I finally get to class I always try to sit in the front so people can’t look at me as well as I can be ignorant if people make fun of me in the seats behind me. When the class finishes, I bolt to the door and try to get back to my dorm room as quick as possible. This routine happens on a daily basis at college, but I believe that everyday I am getting better. I hope that one day I will not care what other people think of me and then I will be able to live blissfully!
Self-Esteem appears to be at least a necessary condition for happiness. All of the fellow Rutgers students I see all seem to have some self esteem no matter what there other differences. My fellow Rutgers students seem really happy because of this self esteem. However, since I don’t have self esteem I am not happy.
I was never officially diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, so hopefully these feelings that I have will eventually disappear from my mind.